Sharing of the week :: Embrace your beautiful, flawed self
Salam & Hi all~
It’s been a busy week, as usual.
Alhamdulillah, I keep my word and still writing and sharing my (not-so-glamorous) experience with y’all. Hope you guys can make doa for me so that I will be consistent in doing this, and other things that I forever dreamed of (and procrastinate a lot in doing it).
Okay, so enough of that. This week’s topic is one that close to my heart and also a struggle I faced a lot when I was a kid.
So last week, J and I run some errands outside, and while we were in the middle of that, heavy rain came pouring down.
To kill some time, J decided to get his haircut. I went along with him to see this new place he’s been dying to try as it is always crowded whenever we went there.
But I guess it was our lucky day. No customer when we arrived there so he had one pretty quick.
I was beside him the whole time and heard his conversation with the barber, with the barber do most of the talking and J just say a word or two.
I know J was pretty sensitive about his hair and he is a bit insecure when it comes to it.
He has a wavy hair and it seems like there’s not much styling he is able to do with his hair. He has only one style so far and he has been keeping it for years. He tried to change it few weeks back but it was a vain. I tried to give an idea but it looks like that also is not working.
I ran out of ideas and so is he. Hence, the same old style over and over.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. As long as he’s healthy, I’m happy.
Okay back to the story.
While he get his haircut, I tried to ask the barber about his hair – like how can he style it and what haircut suits him the most. He kindly answer my questions and asked J about his preferences. J is a simple guy so his hipster-hair style suggestion doesn’t fit his taste.
This is when it hits me. I was J few years back.
No, I’m not a guy previously (obviously). But I was in the same shoe as him now.
I was a low self-esteem 12 years old girl, with pimple-filled face, curly frizzy unruly hair and chubby. I was quite big for a 12 years old kid that most people will easily mistaken me for a 14,15 years old.
I was always envious of my friends because all of them have long straight hair. ALL OF THEM. Except me. They also don’t have pimples like me.
As a result of all that, I became a teenager with a very low self-esteem, insecure and even hate herself.
I hated the fact that I am not like my friends. I don’t have their slim body, no matter how much they eat. I don’t have their long straight locks, and how effortless they are to maintain their hair at looking presentable. And the list goes on and on…
I used to be called names – gemuk, giant, gorilla, etc. And that just make my insecurities become worst.
I tried a lot of things to become better, to improve myself.
And I tried SO hard at following current trend so that I get to blend it with other peers and be accepted. But after trying for few months, I realized that it doesn’t suit me, no matter how hard I try. In fact, it makes me look worse than ever. So I returned back to the old me ; the non – trendy Syafiqah.
Due to all of this, I started to build walls around me. Walls that nobody can easily penetrate. And I did that so I won’t get hurt.
I was hurt a lot back then – when friends called me names and doesn’t make me feel like a girl.
Even now, I still have those insecurities inside me. But as I grew up, I learn to be accepting and embrace all of my flaws and weaknesses – because it makes me, who I am today.
I learned that nobody will uplift your spirits & motivation as you do for yourself. Nobody will cherish you if you don’t do that to yourself. If your are confident with your look & appearance, it will spread to other people around you and they too, will appreciate you for who you are.
But if they don’t? So be it. Walk away from them. Don’t associate yourself with negative people. Surround yourself with happy, positive people alone. You don’t have to look like or to be like other girls just so that they will accept you, no.
Remember – YOU.ARE.ENOUGH !!